"I love her cause she got her own
She don't need mine, so she leave mine alone
There ain't nothing that's more sexy
Than a girl that want but don't need me
Young independent, yea she work hard
But you can tell from the way that she walk
She don't slow down 'cause she ain't got time
To be complaining, shawty gon' shine
She don't expect nothing from no guy
She plays aggressive, but she still shy
But you never know her softer side
By lookin' in her eyes...."
-Jamie Foxx, She Got Her Own (Miss Independent Remix)
For a while, I started to feel as though black music, both rap and r&b, would only personify women in a negative light. They would only speak of the "bi***es and h**s," and if you weren't able to do tricks with your mouth and tongue, then there was no way they would make a song about you...Why waste the time?
"The shoes on my feet
I've bought it
The clothes I'm wearing
I've bought it
The rock I'm rockin'
I've bought it'
Cause I depend on me
If I wanted the watch you're wearin'
I'll buy it
The house I live in
I've bought it
The car I'm driving
I've bought it
I depend on me..."
-Destiny's Child, Independent Women
Recently a new kind of woman began to emerge in black music...THE INDEPENDENT WOMAN! It is not that these type of women just fell out of the sky one day, it is just that a new light is being shun on them; a light that is brighter then ever before.
The concept of an independent woman is not new and the concept of an independent black woman is DEFINITELY not true. What I do think, is that the concept of an independent black woman is often misconstrued. One of dictionary.com's definition of independent is, "not relying on another or others for aid or support," and I personally believe that an independent individual is just that (male or female). I believe it is negatively perceived when a woman says, "I don't need a man." My question is why?
"She got her own house
She got her own car
Two jobs, work hard, you a bad broad..."
-Webbie, Independent
I am going to switch the tone of this blog, and speak from my perspective. When I am asked, "Do you need a man?" My response is, "no." Then of course, the counter to that question is, "so then, why date?" The answer is simple, I do not NEED a man, but I WANT a man to SHARE my life with.
My responses to the above questions get me labeled as being plagued with "Single Black Woman Syndrome," but that is not the case at all. My responses simply go back to the fundamental definition of need and want. A need is what is necessary to survive, and that would be food, water, and love; Which are all things I can get without a man. A want is something desired, but not necessarily needed. I want to share my needs with a man. So what is wrong with that?
"Cause I am superwoman
Yes I am, Yes she is
Still when I am a mess, I still put on a vest
With an S on my chest
Oh yes, I'm a superwoman..."
-Alicia Keys, Superwoman
I work hard for everything I have. I am a 24 year old homeowner, I have a good job, my car is paid for, and all my bills are paid on time. In my own dating experiences, I have found that, as a woman who has her own is intimidating to some men. Despite what the songs may say, men typically still like to be the "bread-winner" and what to feel needed by their women. My response to those feelings is, WAKE UP! ITS 2008!
With divorce rates higher then ever before, then it is a wise move for women to have their own. For the economy in the state that it is in, it would only be wise for households to have dual incomes. But do not mistake me having my own as, I am not willing to share or not willing to let us grow together.
Is that still "Single Black Woman Syndrome?"
So once again, unless the NFL switched up the scoring system....Mr. X, you were wrong AGAIN!
BZZZZZZZZ!!!
